Deb_Inside

~* Happy Birthday Deb *~

I don't believe I have made a post about my birthday in the past.  :)

Years ago, in my childhood, I would rather not have had my birthday
mentioned.   Ahhhhhhhhh THANK GOD for the growth of my self esteem.
I did hesitate a moment in choosing the category of holiday ~

WHO deems their own ~birthday~ a holiday.   
WELL....  I just DID and you know what......... 
Your birthday would be a ~*HOLIDAY*~ to me as well. !!!

Today, I see it from a perspective that I am grateful to have been born into
the world at this time.   I am thrilled to be a person who contributes to making
this a better world.   

This is not only MY birthday, but I share the day with my beautiful daughter in law,
Dana.   Today February 5th is her debut day into the world too. !!!



I could not begin to get all the candles on my cake, but just go on and
multiply those 5 times 10.    LOL

I would also like to add, that the inspiration for my thumb print drawings
comes from this book - Ed Emberley's Complete Funprint Drawing Book.



One does NOT have to be an artist to create thumbprint drawings !!!
Just grab a stamp pad and a marker.   The book shows step by step
how to to create a picture.     Consider this book as a gift for a child,
or even for an adult you know to bring BACK their inner child. 

Ed has several different book of thumbprint drawings.   Check out
this link for the list.

Thanks for celebrating with me.  ;)

LOVE

Deb

* Online Hiatus For Me *

My Dear Friends,

To go along with a new direction I need to
develop for myself, I've decided to take a
3 week break from online.
From today until Monday July 9th.
(okay - that's a couple of days over 3 wks) 

This is just a little stepping back for me to
re-group.   It all has to do with the Goals
post I made. 

This is from my blog, and a few other
online sites of which I am a member.

I would welcome ALL good vibes
and prayers at this time.   :)

This is also summer time and my son
Kevin - age 10 needs much more
Mom time than I have been devoting
to him.

I am *Grateful* for YOU ALL !!!!   

Namaste`
Deb

My pink climber rose bush, and a friend who
dropped by yesterday.    I'm quite certain
my friend's name is ~James~ 

Bath Time

(photo courtesy - Flicker)

Bath Time

It was like all these years I brought in this huge tub,
filled it with water, warmed just right.
I lit candles all around the dark room and I bathed
and washed him. I cared for him, but his anger raged
on and on. I became the object of his rage.

The limitations he found within his own being and the
uselessness he felt towards himself intensified.
He then directed his hostility towards me.

I in turn just kept heating more water to make sure
the temperature was just right. Once I tried adding
bubbles…. he did not want the bubbles,
so I emptied the whole tub and started over.

Sometimes, but not very often, the bath was just
right and he was satisfied.

All those years there was one thing I wanted….
just once it would have been wonderful for him to have
drawn one bath for me.
It was the dream of a young woman.
That dream was crushed early on.

But still I drew his bath. Until one day when all my
life was about drained away,
I realized I no longer wanted to bathe him.

My mind cleared…. I became conscious of my own worth.

I choose not to identify me…… with him.

The Beginning
September 1994

       ~ ~ ~

It's a fitting day to share this
piece I wrote back in 1994.

Today, 29 years ago I married

my first husband Mark.

September of 1994 I decided to
file for divorce.
We were divorced in early 1995.

I've never held Mark totally

responsible for our lives as

they unfolded, for I choose to

stay married.

Verbal abuse can leave

emotional trauma, but I feel

that my healing was advanced

by the way I choose to process

it all.

Growth and life lessons learned

indeed. !

I am most grateful for my life

today.

Glass-Haste = Pain

My dear friend, Damian over at ...
Be The Change - Tread The Path

has shared 3 stories about himself
and the life lessons he learned from
those times.
He has encouraged is readers
to blog and do the same.

Glass - Haste = Pain

There are so many chances everyday
for life lessons to be learned, but it would
appear that the bigger the gaff, the more
the lesson stays with us.

What I will relate was an event that happened
sometime in the past 4 years.
I was invited by a friend to give a talk to a
ladies church group about my involvement
in troop support.   

Being a military Mom,  I set aside my nearly
paralyzing fear of public speaking and agreed
to be their guest speaker for the night.

I had my notes well organized and the talk went
out without a hitch.

There were a few women in the group that
I had known through my younger son's
school, so for a few minutes I lingered and
spoke to them.

I stayed to be polite, but in all honesty I
wanted to scoot out of there as quickly as
I could.

I said my goodbyes and headed for the door.
By this time the light of day was giving away
to night time.

This church is one in my neighborhood,
but it's not one I attend so I was not all
that familiar with the exit doors.
I hurried for what I thought was the door.
Moving at a quick pace I put my hand up
thinking the door would give through.
Within seconds the glass wall did not move
and my nose pan caked right into the glass.

To say I saw instant stars would be a mild
way of putting it.    I was thankful I was still
on my feet and had not totally knocked myself out.
I was also thankful that not another soul had
chosen to exit at just the same time I did.

In that instant, the words that I so often
relate to my children came JUMPING in
my head....   "HASTE MAKES WASTE"

I only have to reach up to my nose,
and gently feel for the tiny lasting
bump to recall that lesson Ohhh so plainly.   

Sacred Places ~ Inside & Out

When you read the words….  Sacred Places what does your mind

conjure up?    Do you see mystical, far off unknown places that you

have never visited?   

~Sacred Places~

Sit with that for a moment…….  close your eyes and envision ~~~~~~

Do you ~know~ that you are sacred?      Smile    

Do you feel the parts of you that are so very sacred?

Your ability to offer friendship to another person…… Do you know

exactly HOW sacred that is?    WELL …… it IS.   BIG TIME.   

There are so many other facets about ourselves that are indeed,

most sacred.   You just have to BE with yourself and internally

keep them in the front to actually KNOW the parts of you

that are sacred.

Parenting is also a very sacred quest.    You have a chance to

send bits and pieces of yourself into a future that you will

never actually live in.    When you think about the scope

of parenting as ~sacred~ endeavor, it brings about a

straightening of the spine and a chance to stand just a bit taller.

My most ~Sacred~ place on Earth is a local park.

~Tinker’s Creek~

Tinker’s creek is a tributary of a major river in the Cleveland Ohio area.
The river is the Cuyahoga River.

The park itself is part of a system of Parks in the Cleveland Ohio area.

The land was set aside in the early 1900’s by a group of very progressive

thinking people who knew that the land it’s self was ~scared~ and

intended to keep it in the natural state.

Tinker’s Creek is located within the Bedford Reservation of the
Cleveland Metroparks. 

I visited there every weekend as a child, and it’s a place that

I have taken my children to many many times over the years.

Perhaps they too have adopted – this place – as ~sacred~.

The most important thing about YOUR scared place is that

it is someplace either you can literally visit, or go to in your mind.

You might now live hundreds, or thousands of miles away

from that place…..  But in your minds eye ~ in a heartbeat you are there.

It is in that ~Sacred Place~ that you re-energize your ~Spirit~.

IF by some chance, you have never created a ~Sacred Place~…

Ohhhhhhhhh it’s not too late….. Do it now, and visit often.

Dedicated to *Our* children:

Kerri ~ Nicole ~ Vinny ~ Kevin

"Taking Care of Yourself"....

Taking Care of Yourself:

An Unselfish Act

"If we don't take care of ourselves, we won't be capable of taking care of others. It's as simple as that. So why do we go on and on and give and give until we're emotionally and physically exhausted"?

by Beverly Smallwood, Ph.D.

I just read this quote today and Ohhhhhhhh does
this ever hit home for me. !!!

A few months ago, I removed myself from the
Air Force Parents Support site that I had been a
member and moderator of for nearly 4 years.

This was a step in the direction of taking care of Deb.
It was such a difficult choice for me.    I am still working
on the taking care of me part.   :)
But I know the decision was a correct one for me. !!

Is there something you need to DO in order to take
better care of yourself ?

What Are the Best Decisions I Have Ever Made?

On October 17th, my online friend, 

Phil - MAKE IT GREAT - Gerbyshak made this post:

What Are the Best Decisions I Have Ever Made?
http://makeitgreat.typepad.com/makeitgreat/2006/10/what_are_the_be.html

Actually, the question arose on at the site of an online

friend of his:   Scott Young

What Are the Best Decisions I Have Ever Made?

So here is my list.....   In the coming days I will
expound upon this list in greater detail.

THANK YOU Scott and Phil for encouraging me to
think about my life and encouraging me to take
a critical look at the decisions I have made.
WOW !!!!!!!!!   Was this ever enlightening.
I'm sure my list will change or there will be more
add ons when I give it even more thought.

#1 - Choose my Mother and Father

#2 -   Marry my first husband Mark

#3 - Quit my job with a lawyer to take personal care of his elderly Mother

#4 - Choose not to end my life in suicide

#5 - Purchase a MAC computer and get ONLINE - early 1994

#6 - Seek out a personal therapist/psychologist

#7 - Divorce my first husband Mark

#8 – Marry my current husband Michael

#9 –  Take our son Kevin to Tanya for in home day care

#10 – Quit my assembly/shipping job to be a – Stay home Mom

#11 - Start painting again

#12 – Follow my intuition 

#13 – Learn to have NO DOUBT

#14 - Start Blogging

Now.... would you ask yourself this same question. :)

Losing My Marbles ~ NOPE ~ I Give Them Away

For me, there was always something quite

magical about marbles.   Perhaps it

was the way colors seemed to be suspended

in time, within the marbles.    Or maybe, here

you were a kid playing with something glass

that could not hurt you.    Whatever my

attraction was, I have never lost it.

Long before any electronic game held the

attention of children, there were marbles.

Many times in my life I have said to myself…

“ahhhhhh I’m losing my marbles”.

Whatever the reason of the lament, I shook

it off and just kept going.

I had a thought about marbles that they

would make a wonderful gift, for any friend

of who was going through a rough time.

Fancy marbles can be purchased at craft stores.

Simple plain old cats eye marbles can be picked

up an any dollar store.

And some dollar stores and craft stores have

different shaped glass for sale.

I found glass sea shells at a local dollar store.

I collect tiny glass jars. Baby food jars are

perfect and my 10 year old is getting a kick

out of eating baby food fruit to add to my

collection.

I spray paint the lid and add marbles to

the jar. Sometimes I add a tiny ribbon bow

just around the neck of the jar.

With transparent tape I always add a tiny

label to the underside that says From Deb

along with the date I give someone a jar.

Just this past week, a friend of mine found

out she has breast cancer. She stopped over

one morning on her way to work.

I handed her the jar. Her response was….

“awwwwwwww marbles”.

I said to her….. “Take these with you to

work, set them on your desk, and anytime

you ~feel~ like you are losing your marbles

just glance right over here and you will see them. !!!

“You’re not losing them at ALL”

Both of our eyes welled with tears.

Simple marbles – STILL bringing joy. !!!

A History of Marbles:

Marbles were originally made from clay or
marble, hence their name.

Marbles are often mentioned in Roman literature,
and there are many examples of marbles from ancient

Egypt.


They were commonly made of stone, metal, or glass until
the 18th century, when ceramic marbles become more common.

Ceramic marbles entered mass production in the 1870's,
starting inexpensive mass-production.

Glass marbles entered mass production in the early
20th century, when WWI cut off their importation
from Europe, causing American innovation to be applied
to the task, producing a mechanized method of glass
marble production which became the most common
system in the world. Glass marbles, too, became the most
popular variety, and have remained so to this day.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marbles

"Soul Graffiti" Artist

Everyone has the potential to be a ~~~ Soul Graffiti Artist

A few weeks ago I was web surfing info for Nicole, (my daughter).

I came upon a book by Mira Kirshenbaum:  Too Good to leave,

Too Bad to Stay.    I ordered the book which was supposed to help

one make the decision about staying or leaving a relationship. 

At the same time, I reserved 2 library books by Kirshenbaum,

as they looked pretty interesting.   

The too good book arrived in the mail a couple of days ago,

AFTER Nicole had made the choice and ended her 3 year relationship.

After flipping through the book, both Nic and I agreed

that the book was still very worthwhile as it contained some good

info on relationships and communication within them.  :)

I went to the library last night and picked up the 2 books that

I had reserved.

The one is Everything Happens for a Reason - finding the true

meaning of events in our lives. 

It's not as IF this title was some revelation for me.   LOL

I've believed it and it's been a part of my life for a VERY long time.

Yet, I am certain that the book contains some useful information

for me and it will be good to read.

This morning in looking at the back cover I spotted a web address

for Mira Kirshenbaum:

www.everythinghappensforareason.org

Upon going to the site - I surfed over to another site called:

Soul Graffiti 

http://www.soulgraffiti.com/

Sometime within the past 2 years upon sharing the drawing

I did of an Angel and Soldier with my dog's allergy vet

she said to me .............

http://deb_inside.typepad.com/photos/debs_art/angel1.html

"Ohhhhhhhh you're an artist".   

When I heard Dr Alice say that, I thought to myself....

'Monet, Van Gogh, and Renoir were artists"  --- "I only paint".

This thought happened at nearly the speed of light....

but my outward response was..........

"Well, I guess you could say that".

That conversation STUCK and STUCK in my head. 

Until finally I came to KNOW and UNDERSTAND......

"YES"  !!!!!!!!!!!!   "I am an artist"  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've thought about and tried to explain my reluctance

at calling myself an 'artist', I suppose it has much to do

with my previously underdeveloped self esteem.   

Today,  I am quite comfortable in calling myself...

"An artist".    I know my ability to paint and draw and be

creative is a God given talent.

So........... here today I jump to the Soul Graffiti web site,

to see a description of Soul Graffiti.

Soul Graffiti (sol graf - fi - ti)  V.   the conscious act of

performing kindness to another soul, resulting in leaving

an everlasting imprint on another's life.

I read that definition and BAMMMMMM it hit me:

"I am also a Soul Graffiti Artist"   !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Whooooooooooo who.    I am on a cloud at this

realization / revelation .   :))))))))

Dr Joe Powers has this on his web site:

As Maya Angelou once wrote, "when we cast our bread upon the waters we can presume that someone downstream whose face we will never know will benefit from our action, as we who are downstream from another will profit from the grantor's gift." It is likewise my hope that through Soul Graffiti™ we can together lift our spiritual brushes to paint upon the lives of others with acts of kindness and compassion - ultimately bringing true permanence to our own lives and a beautiful mural upon the soul of humankind.

Joe Powers
Founder and Graffiti Artist

So.......... please do surf over to the site:

Soul Graffiti 

http://www.soulgraffiti.com/

Coming Un-glued is GOOD

We've all had moments where we feel
like our shoulders are glued to our
ear lobes.   

Most times we don't even
realize this is going on. !!!

Many moons ago I came upon
a quick and easy relaxation
tecnique.   I even taught my
young children this and together
we 'went to level'.

Hold the thought that your
body is an elevator.   Your stress
has you on an upper floor.

As soon as you recognize the stress
take a breath and start thinking
of bringing your elevator to a lower
level.

Repeat the following to yourself...

#3  #3  #3
#2  #2  #2
#1  #1  #1

Deeper healthy level

Now take the elevator lower....
Breathe again.

slowly count down from 10 - 1
feeling your body relax as you
~Go to level~

Do you feel it ?   :)))))

Your shoulders are UN-glued.

I've created a graphic that
you can save and print out
as a reminder for yourself.

My children were elementary
school age when we first started
doing this....  Over time and with
repetition....  I could just say...

'Go to level' and instantly they
calmed their bodies AND minds.

I just came across a tiny card of this
that I had taped to the dash of my car.
Something I need for my OWN shoulders
and no doubt my now adult children's. 

Kindness

I was checking out today at a store
in my local neighborhood.   I said
'Hello' to the cashier.   The young man
shook his head and said...

"It's a bad day, it's a bad day".

I responded to him....

"Try saying I'm having a bad
moment".   "If you continue to
say bad day,  your whole day
could indeed be bad".

He stopped, looked me in the
eyes and said.....'You're right
I'm having a bad moment'.
A smile came to his face and
he said....'that's a great way
to look at it'.   :)

I smiled and thought of
Phil Gerbyshak....
MAKE IT GREAT !

The young man handed me
my receipt and I asked him
what his name was.....
He stumbled a second and
said...'Christian'.

I said to him.......
"Christian, I am going to
send you GREAT vibes for the
rest of the day".   

He smiled an EAR to EAR grin
and said....'THANK YOU'.

It takes just the simplest
of kindness to make someone's
day....... 
Hopefully it made Christian's
and in the quick communication
IT MADE MY DAY GREAT.

~ Breathe ~

                         

I've emailed this to a few friends today.

It's a gentle reminder that I had created last year for
a group of Air Force friends and myself.

Many have printed it out and have it sitting nearby.   
It's just a visual to ourselves to take a breath
and re-center our ~spirit~. 

                                       

Seasoning of life

Seasoning of life

Sprinkle on a generous amount of gratitude and

all of life becomes more palatable.   

footnote:

May need constant reapplication of gratitude

for fuller flavor.

Mental Tapes and the Law of Attraction

Mental Tapes and the Law of Attraction

It's really a shame that so many interesting topics

are on the minds of only a fringe few in our society.

It would be a great service if more could consider some

topics that when explained they only laugh at or dismiss.

What I am writing about today is the Law of Attraction.

I've attempted to see WHO was the first to suggest there

even exists such a 'law', but I could not come up with

an answer.   If you do know by all means please post

a comment on that back to me. 

A very simple explanation would be this.....

When we think on something or thoughts run through

our heads, those thoughts are sent out as energy waves

into the universe.    We then attract back to ourselves that

which has been in our thoughts.

A good way to attract what

you want is to use affirmations clearly expressing

your desires.   

One example would be the thought, "I am open

to receiving all good".

Thoughts are great, but visual reminders are even

better.    Write down this affirmation and post it

in several places.   

Now what about MENTAL TAPES.   

The mental sound bytes that you hear over

and over in your mind become mental tapes.   

When the tapes run, most times they are so quiet

in the background of our

minds we don't even consciously hear them.

Yet they run and they send messages out

to the universe bringing back  just what

was played out.

Some have tapes that are encouraging and
positive, many have tapes that are
damaging and destructive.

You want examples of tapes.  Hmmmm

Let's cover positive first:

You can do anything if you put your mind to it.

You are a smart girl/boy.

Now negative:

I am fat

I am shy and quiet

You are bad

When you bring awareness to what is playing

in the background of your mind, then you can

change the tape.

I would also like to direct your attention to

a fellow I’ve just recently met from the online world.

I say met, but I mean we have exchanged emails.

His name is Phil Gerbyshak and his web site

is MAKE IT GREAT.

MAKE IT GREAT !

Phil and his insightful words epitomizes

the Law of Attraction.

He also has a book called, 10 way to

MAKE IT GREAT. I’m waiting on a copy to

arrive and will certainly be posting again

after I’ve read his book.

Sometime last year I hung a dry erase board

in my living room. It measures 23” x 35”.

Quite a good sized board.

The purpose is to write things which I want

to keep in my mind and also have my family

relate to.

Not a to do list or a calendar, but an area

where I can post words of inspiration or even

fun and encouragement to my family.

We also listed 3^rd grade spelling words on

their last year. I’m certain that some of the

area will be taken up with 4^th grade spelling

words this year.

A couple of days ago I wrote:

MAKE IT GREAT !

(Phil Gerbyshak)

Kevin was sitting at the dining room table

last night and having a snack. I pointed to

the words and said “:see that” ?

He said……… “Yeaaaaaaaaah”

That is a message I want you to keep in mind

for the first day of school tomorrow.

He laughed and grinned one of those….

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh MOM” kind of laughs.

BUT………… he got the message.

I’m very hopeful that Kevin’s mental tapes

will be positive ones through his whole life.

Thank you Phil for your ~ GREAT ~ inspiration.

Please do Google Law of Attraction for

further reading and explanations.

Hello Future Generation

Today I am sitting down and writing to my biological future

which has yet to arrive.    I know, it’s a stretch to think of you

as a person.    Well it’s a stretch for me at this time, but still

you are on my mind.

As I look backwards there is very little that I know of

my own past generation.    Both of my Grandmothers passed

when I was a child.   Sure stories are shared, but to know the

thoughts of these women, I am not privy to that information.

Had they kept a journal or diary, I might know their thoughts

as the people that they were.

If you are reading this, it means that my blog has somehow

survived me.    I don’t actually know if that will happen, but

for the sake of chance I feel the need to reach out and offer

you this disclaimer of sorts.

If you start out reading from the birthday of my blog, back

in early 2005, I just want you to know that my expressed ideas

and thoughts were never set in stone.

Let me explain on that a little.    The entry on any specific

date was indeed my opinion or thoughts on that day.

Life is dynamic.   Everyday that I wake up, I am not

the person I was yesterday, and so my thoughts change or

evolve right along with the day, thank goodness. !

In these days ( August of 2006 ) blogging is in it’s early

stages.   The beauty of blogging is the sharing of personal

thoughts and ideas that give us windows into the soul

of another person and even perhaps a window back in time.

People Art Book

Every single person I know has a page in my art book
and I even have a self portrait page.

Wow...... does it shock you to learn this ?

Some of you who know me well might be thinking
has Deb drawn a picture of me ?

Actually, my art book is a mental one.
It's really a shame that the line.....
"So and so is a work of art", more often than not
is implied in a negative sense.
You and I are indeed great works of art in progress.

Picture each page containing an intricately
designed connect the dots.

The pages are fluid, they change all the time.
As I learn bits of information about you the
picture changes and illuminates an area that
was not previously visible.

This art book has nothing to do with judgement,
it's about understanding, learning and filing bits
of you away to hold in my memory.

When we share thoughts, sometimes I am not
in agreement, but I listen with patience and a
little more of you becomes clearer.
I then turn the page and see myself and I am
delighted to see how I've changed for the better.

There are times when I read your words,
they so resonate to my heart......
I see our pages side by side and for a
magical moment we become twins.

Books are a treasure in my life and this
book of people art is the most treasured of all.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness

I have written on this topic before, yet it is SO important to

mental health that I felt the need to touch on it again.

First, let’s visit how Mindfulness  is defined online

at Wikipedia :

“Mindfulness is the practice whereby a person is intentionally

aware of his or her thoughts and actions in the present

moment, non-judgmentally.

Mindfulness is applied to both bodily actions

and the mind's own thoughts and feelings.”

What exactly is non-judgemental mindfulness ?

Think of your body as a filter.    Thoughts come

and go.    When you process your thoughts in

a non-judgemental way, then the thoughts pass right

through your body filter.

When you judge the thoughts your system

gets mucked up by the judgement.

Need a visual on that…..

Here is a picture of my dyer’s filter.

Life EQUALS change !!!

PLEASE......... understand I am not in any way

preaching, I am just relating something in a parenting

sense that I learned long ago........

following what I have written,  I've included a copy

of THE MOST POWERFUL PRAYER that I personally

have ever encountered in my life.........

xo xo xo

Deb

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Life EQUALS change !!!

A few weeks after

January 28, 1986

I learned the most valuable

parenting lesson I could ever have learned.

On that date, 73 seconds after liftoff, the Challenger Space Shuttle

blew up.    In the blink of an eye, it’s 7 crew members were gone

from this Earth.

I am sorry to say that I don't recall which male astronaut

it was who said this to his young children, but one of them, prior

to his going up in the Challenger shuttle said to his children….

“Don’t worry, Daddy will be okay”.

The point was made at that time, that you can never tell

children ‘do not worry everything will be okay’.

At that time, my daughter Nicole was almost 4 and my

son Vincent was 1 ½ yrs old.

There are unknowns in life and there are times when

you will not be able to say with 100 percent certainty that ….

“Everything will be okay”.

Children need life explained to them in an age appropriate

manor.    You would not speak to a 2 yr old in the same way

that you would have a conversation with a 15 year old.

Telling a child do not worry everything will be okay,

is paramount to saying ‘You will have blue sunny skies

for the rest of your life’.   ‘No darkness will come,

no night, only blue skies’.

You can not take your 5 year old child and keep them

a 5 year old forever……

Our job then as parents and teachers of our children is

to be able to balance the truth of life, that everything does

change, with the fact that today is the day you get to live in.

This is NO EASY task, because we as adults don’t fully

understand every change that comes our way.!!!!!!!!!

Yet, change happens and change is inevitable. 

Time moves, seasons change……….

When we teach our children that life equals change,

we empower and equip them to stand tall and look

change in the face and keep moving forward.

The FACT is that we will NOT always be at their side

to assist them with ALL of life’s changes, but IF we have

laid down this foundation of understanding,

they will be better able to deal with the uncertainties

that will come their way.   

D. Estep

3-24-2006

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The Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Reinhold Niebuhr

Waking

 

 

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.

(Khalil Gibran) 

 

There is no coming to consciousness without pain. (Carl G. Jung )

LIFE is indeed a great teacher, but until the time comes

that we awaken, we have NO hope of learning. 

 

People are sent to cross our paths, you know the ones

who  greatly PUSH our buttons....  they are sent

to wake us up.    Yet sometimes we view them as an annoyance,

or a bad dream.  

 

Asleep, some  journey on, with a pack on our back.    The pack is our

cares, our anger, our fears, our perceptions of past wrongs....

ALL things passed.    Loaded we attempt to trudge forward, and

we are weighted as with a ton on our back.

We grasp at that pack and hold the whole of it ever so tight to our bodies.

 

The pack hurts, and at times parts of the past poke up and stick

in our bodies.   Through the hurt of the pack we CHOOSE to see

doom and gloom......   But continue to laden it with MORE CRAP....

 

But one day........   something happens...

The "something" can be VERY good, OR VERY bad.... but

slowly...... your eyes open.    Streaks of light and goodness shimmer in...

You have the awareness that you can at any moment set that pack DOWN

and journey onward.... 

 

This IS......

"breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding"

 

AND ........ with this understanding is pain....   Some pain, but you

are now aware, and you grasp the understanding that the pain

was all a learning to becoming awake.

 

You can not EVER grasp that pack and load it on your back again.

 

Once you start walking forward on your journey you realize 

you have a lightness of ~spirit~ that you never ever had before....

 

With this awareness you want to SCREAM out to others, get that

damn pack off your back...   Let me help you PULL that off,

but you know what....  quickly you come to the understanding that

you can NEVER help a person remove their pack. 

They have to be the ones to wake up and remove the pack.

 

With apologizes and admittance of  past wrongs toward another person,

and we can lighten their pack........  IF they choose to accept what we

are saying to them.   If they choose not to accept an apology,

it is their pack STILL fully loaded.

 

So what CAN we do for others who are asleep........

Have you ever had a friend come up beside you and touch your

shoulder with loving kindness.     Sometimes they have no words,

only a touch.   Sometimes they have a word of support, showing

you the kindness of their ~Spirit~.    Those are wake up nudges... 

 

But some from the day they are born, until the day they die

carry that pack.   They not only carry it, they have their hands

so tightly clenched around the straps it ain't never coming off.

 

That brings me to my favorite of quotes...

 

"I can not control another's actions, I can only control my reaction"

 

AND............ once awake, you can NEVER EVER pick up that pack again.

 

PS..... also remember...

"I am not better than anyone else here,

but I am a better person today than I was yesterday"

 

 

 

~ Airy ~ Light ~ Clean ~

Imagine that you have the house of your dreams and the yard to
go with it.    Just in this little moment, let’s also say that you
love to be out in your yard tending to your award winning
flower beds, and you have the time to do that.

It’s a summer morning and you are out bright and early.
Weeding, planting more flowers and adding dark rich peat moss
around your flower beds.

You’ve worked up quite a sweat, your finger nails are loaded
with a rim of dark peat.    Smudges of dirt are in the creases of
your arms, and your face is just streaked with mud and sweat lines.

You come in the house done with the mornings work.    You walk in
the bathroom, take a look at yourself and say….

“Nope, I’m not taking a shower, I’m just going to hold on to this look…..
AND SMELL !!!!!

You look at the clock and think, “Wow, I have to get to the grocery store”.

You grab your keys and out the door you go……..  Leaving the house just
as you walked in from the mornings yard work.

Could you EVER in a million years picture yourself walking out of the
house looking like this ?????

I hear a RESOUNDING…………  “Nooooooooooooo”

This little scenario is make believe --- 

But I can assure you that this is just what your ~spirit~ and insides look like
and smell like when you choose to hold on to anger and resentment.

Our spirits and souls were meant to be airy, light and clean.

Ohhhhhh yeah, all well and good in some dream world.   You don’t know what
so and so said to me.   You don’t know what so and so did to me.

In the big picture of life, it really does not totally matter what others say or do.
What matters is how we choose to HANG on and process that.

So now you know…….. you have a choice.     LET GO and clean your ~spirit~
or hold on and let it MUCK you up from the inside out.

IF your insides were visible, just what would they look like ???

Remember………“You can never control another’s actions, you can only control your reaction”   

To Vinny - Call Me Sometime....

When I say call me sometime, it’s because I miss you.   
I don’t need to know what’s going on
in your life moment by moment, but I do need
to hear from you every so often.

Right now you have no idea what it’s like to be
totally responsible for your child and then one
day they are gone and off on their own.

As a parent all you can do is trust that the lessons of
childhood become the auto pilot of your adult child.

Where did the years go ? 

Wasn’t it just about yesterday you were bringing me
dandelion flowers and gifts of white lucky stones ?

Wasn’t it just about yesterday you would learning to read
and I sat patiently waiting for you to sound out each word
on your own. ?

Wasn’t it just about yesterday I could kiss away a
painful scraped knee ?

Wasn’t it just about yesterday you were fixing
your uniform for your first little league game?
(You might not remember this, but I had to wake you
up from a nap the afternoon of that game.)

Wasn’t it just about yesterday that we were at Tinker’s Creek
and you had filled up your pail of special rocks to bring home?

Well, I guess it wasn’t yesterday, but maybe yesteryear.

I miss Vinny the boy, but I am so very proud of Vinny the man.

Call me sometime….

Love Mama

~* IF *~

                      

                        

A few years ago I was working doing electronic assembly.    There were
5 other women and myself who did the assembly.    Many times I would
find myself talking privately with one person and I would say something
negative about another co-worker.   
When I walked away, I would say to myself,
'WHY did you open your mouth and say that?'   

My Mother's words echoed in my head...........
"IF you don't have something nice to say about someone,
don't say anything at all."

I made myself the IF sign as a reminder for myself.    I taped IF to
my workbench so I could view it constantly.   It really helped me.

Co-workers walked by my bench and inquired about the IF sign.
I explained it, along with Mom's words, that it was a reminder for myself.

A quite unexpected thing happened, I noticed my co-workers stopped
talking to me about other co-workers.   Well, maybe that's not just the
right way to put it.....  Co-workers stopped saying negative things
about other folks to me.

I left that job about 4 years ago, but on my last afternoon there
I was the last assembly person in the shop that Friday afternoon.
I made each person their own "IF" sign along with a personal goodbye
message.     I heard only positive thoughts about my parting message
from all the gals I worked with. 

Still......... that one little word keeps me and my thoughts about others
on track. !!!

Magnificently, Shiny, Clean Chain - ME

The very first brand new bike I ever had was one I purchased
with my morning paper route money.   It was a green 10 speed bike.
My brain seems to be failing me here, but I guess I was 16 or 17.
Thinking back on the bike what I impressed me most, well besides
the light green metallic color, was the chain.    Never before had
I seen such a magnificently, shiny, clean chain.
I recall the quiet clicking sound as I rode my bike and changed gears.
My chain moving effortlessly from sprocket to sprocket.

You see my previous hand me down bikes always had chains
that were gummed up with debris and goo.   Never a shine at
all to them.    Naturally this caused the bike not to perform
to it’s best ability.   Sometimes the chain would just pop
off the sprocket.   Definitely a performance issue.

I came upon the thoughts of my green bike while doing
a bit of thinking on the subject of self esteem.

While I’m certainly no PHD, I do have a vast amount
of knowledge about low self esteem.

Low self-esteem = debris and goo filled chain
High self-esteem = magnificently, shiny, clean chain

There is nothing that so greatly paralyzes a person
as low self-esteem.   
An individual with a low self-esteem can’t
comfortably brainstorm with themselves because they
can’t even trust the messages received from their own brain. !!!

My views of MY SELF have shifted tremendously in the past 11 years.
Credit for this shift goes to an online individual that I communicated
with for only a few months of my life.   Brian pointed out to me that
I needed to consider going into personal therapy.
My first knee jerk reaction to that suggestion was…….
NO -  NO  - NO  - NO  …

NO WAY

-  NO  HOW …. NEVER !!!!
His response was: ‘There is much less stigma attached to
personal therapy than say just a few years ago.”
My response to that was: “I’m not concerned about any stigma,
I just don’t want to go see someone and get in my brain and
muck around and have to dig up all my past life’s bull shit.”

But you know what, I took Brian’s advice.    I hooked up with
Dr Linda.     Life changing to say the least.
Dr Linda assisted me in removing the debris and goo from my chain.
She helped me to actually see what a magnificent, shiny,
clean chain I really am.

Now mind you this did not happen overnight.   I was in therapy
with Dr Linda a little over a year and all these years later, I have
to consciously keep watch over my chain.    The debris and goo
lurk ever so quietly in the background, just waiting to jump back on.

I’ve come to understand that when you have the inner
knowing of your own value, that is self worth.

I empower myself every single day when I see
the beauty of myself and I let that shine out into the world.

"You Wear It Well"

Lloyd Price wrote “Personality”,
it shot up the charts in 1959.

Part of the song goes…..

`cause you got personality
Walk, personality
Talk, Personality
Smile, Personality
Charm, personality
Love, personality

Personality has in it a root word, persona.

Persona is Latin for mask.

What does your personality look like?

To Do

Take out the garbage
dust
water it
add fertilizer

Does this sound like a TO DO list around the house?

Actually it’s a TO DO list for your mind.  J

Cement once set, becomes like stone.
Don’t let your mind become SET like stone.

Water, spirit, and air are fluid substances.
Gently guide your mind to stay fluid and able to
absorb different thoughts.

Think in terms of flexible, changeable.

This ability comes quite naturally to children.
They are not weighted down by STUFF.

If you have been an adult for many years,

this will not come naturally, but with
practice you can keep your mind open ~ ~ ~ ~

Imagine your mind as a flourishing, lush green garden.

Practice forgiveness, that's how we weed our minds.

~ Tune In ~

We all have radios in our home.   
Your radio is plugged in set to your favorite station.
Wonderful melodies fill your life and bring you joy.
Over time the radio dial slips a bit, dead air, no sound.   
You would never just let it go, as soon as you
realized what was wrong you would retune it back
on your favorite channel.

Now think of the most significant person you
share your life with and imagine them as a radio.

Over time something has slipped a bit, dead air, no sound.

Just simply tune back in.     J

Listen

Listening is a skill.

A skill is not something that just comes to you it is an ability that
is developed through training.    We must train ourselves to
listen as others speak.

I realized what a poor listener I was many years ago as a
co worker and I were talking.  It was as if  the co worker was in
very slow motion, kind of like the Matrix movie where time
slows down.   Their lips were moving, but all I was doing
was hearing my own thoughts racing.
I can recall directing myself to ... LISTEN.

When the conversation ended I went back to my work bench
and made myself a sign that said...  LISTEN.

Conversation may indeed be an art, but listening is
the gift we give another when we converse.

Bowling Fun

Many, many moons ago I was in a bowling league.
I was a real novice to the sport, unlike my brothers who
had been bowling in leagues since they were kids.

Our team consisted of my sister in law Rosemary,
3 other gals and myself.    We were not ‘bowling for blood’,
but I took the sport seriously and tried to improve
myself week by week.

As all bowlers know, splits are real tough to ‘pick up’.
What ALWAYS got to me was the 5 pin.
No matter what I did, I could never ever pick up that spare.
That is until one night Rosemary
gave me some great advice.    Not only did that
advice help me pick up that 5 pin spare nearly
every time, it changed my life.

I bowled my first ball and there it stood, that
damn 5 pin.   Rosemary came up to me and
very seriously said, “Make it your best friend”.
I walked up to the starting point, took a deep breath,
and looked down at that one pin.   I embraced it.
I let the ball roll and down it went.

So many times since that night when faced
with a difficulty, I embraced it and ‘made it my best friend’.

A funny footnote to this story.    One of the years that
we bowled we had a backer who supplied the team
with bowling shirts.    Their logo on one side
and our names on the shirt.
Rosemary did not give us a choice upon having
our names sewn on the front.
Rosemary choose a name for me that was light
years away from a name that REALLY named me…
She choose…   ‘THE BITCH’. !!!
I could hardly believe my eyes, my teammates were
on the floor roaring in amusement at the name.
The initial intimidation factor to other teams we had
never bowled before was priceless.   It did not take
them very long to figure out that the name on my
shirt hardly named me the person.

   

I love you Rosie….  You ‘BITCH’….   wink wink.

~ Friend – Ship ~

Twenty years ago there is no way anyone could have

conceived of the world that has been created all thanks
to the world wide web.  The idea of people meeting
through an electronic medium and then developing
deep friendships would have been the stuff of science fiction.
Yet through the WWW we have come to know ….
“It’s a small world after all”.

In all parts of life, the kind where you share

air space and the kind where you share the written word
it all evolves in the same way….
You meet and share common ground.   
Trust grows and you become friends.

Friends don’t flatter you with unnecessary bull shit, they do so

because they see the magic and potential inside of you.
Sometimes you don’t even SEE the beauty that they do.
A friend reads between your lines.

“A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude towards

a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive
qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.”

That is the definition of love, but it could also be related to

a friend.

~ Friend – Ship ~ is a boat that floats when tended with love.

I love you my kindred friends and I thank you for your ~ Friend – Ship ~.   

"The Miracle of Mindfulness"

This was a posting I made on the Air Force Parent's web site.
I made this post prior to my son volunteering for a mission to Iraq.
I can't tell you how many times I re-read my own post to help
me keep my mind in focus during that time.

A military parent experiences a different kind of parental stress.
During the time Vince was serving in Iraq  I  had folks say to me....
"I don't know how you do it"  or  "I don't know how you get through it".

#1)   You 'get by with a little help from your friends'. !!!!
(for me that means online military parent friends) 

#2)  by keeping your mind in the present moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The Miracle of Mindfulness"

This is no magic wand that we can wave to disperse STRESS
from our lives. If that were the case, I'd be your fairy godmother
and take it ALL AWAY. :) Bippiti -- boppiti -- BOOP

But what I can do is offer some words to you in hopes that
IF you embrace them and the precepts, you will find
moments of peace.

Many of us in these times turn to God in prayer.
'Dear God, help me to process this' 'Amen'
I have no doubt that GOD does help us in a BIG WAY,
but we are responsible for the MOMENTS of our lives.

The Miracle of Mindfulness,
by Thich Nhat Hanh was a very important book
in my life journey.
I would like to present this to you as a quickie version of the
concepts of mindfulness, but for further understanding I highly
recommend
you pick up a copy of this book for yourself.

Answer this question with ALL honesty ....
How many times have you been behind the wheel of your
car, driving down the street and you pass under a traffic light.
Almost immediately you say...
"Ohhh MY GOSH" ... "Was that a green light or a red light" ???
IF you answer honestly, I think you might say...
"WOW", I have no idea what color that light was."

The reason is.... a loss of momentary mindfulness. !!!
You were 100 million miles away.
It happens ALL the time, many times in a day.

Have you seen the movie the Karate Kid ?
Mr Miyagi, the wise teacher has Daniel, the kid, wax the car.
Over and over he says....
"Wax on, Wax off". The purpose of that 'mantra' is to keep
ones mind on the task at hand.

Mindfulness is about developing a continuous awareness of all the
tasks
we do and the thoughts we have during the course of a day.
The mindfulness comes in when your awareness is held to the moment
of each task you are doing.

In the morning when you make your coffee, and have your breakfast,
you hold your mind to the task you are doing.
It is as IF you are doing this task for the very first time.
Actually feeling the items you are touching and processing
everything in just that moment.
All through the day, paying direct attention to what you are doing.

I explained the ideas of mindfulness to my coworkers.
So many times I when I was at work my mind wandered away.
I was house cleaning, grocery shopping, DOING all the things
in my mind that needed to be done in the future.
It's no wonder you get home from work and just don't feel\
like doing some tasks. How many times did you do them
over and over in your mind without even noticing where
your thoughts were.
There is a huge difference between planning out mentally what
you are going to do, and allowing your mind to aimlessly wander
off and do those things.

We have all said, "I'll just keep myself busy and that will get me
through this time." It will get you through, but if you are not
aware, even when you are busy your mind will be racing along
to other things. If, you do not hold your attention to the moment.

In ending I would like to say.....
You will NOT read my posting here one time and have
a full and complete command of mindfulness.
It will take your attention and practice.
Look how many years your mind has been
on vacation. Ha, no wonder it's going to take some time
to really embrace this into a daily practice.

When I first started to 'practice' mindfulness,
I made myself small cards that said.....
"Wax on Wax off" "breath in breath out".

I had one at work, one on the kitchen frig, one in my car.
These were reminders to myself to be mindful of the moment.
If I caught my mind wandering away, I repeated those
lines to myself I could actually feel my whole body relax.
I then returned physically and mentally to the moment, experiencing
totally just what I was doing at the time.

I think I am going to print out a copy of this for Vinny.
These would be great words of wisdom to send to him. !!!
Of course he has heard me speak of this, but I am not so sure
that it is a part of him.

(by the way... The Karate Kid movie made it's debut in 1984,
just like my Vinny)